A Static Senior

One of the most romanticized things in the world is the epiphany. The sudden fantastic realization that brings clarity or excitement is often framed as a turning point in one's life. Since I was a freshman, I dreamed of an amazing epiphany come my Senior year. Abruptly, a switch would turn in my head telling me I'm standing at the gateway to a new world, a new life, college. All I have to do is push the door open.

Now where the hell is that?

I've waited for it-on the first day, SAT and ACT testing, sending scholarship applications, ordering my cap and gown...but it's still not come to me.

I'm naturally motivated to work hard on things that will get me farther, but I want that spark of fire to set my mind and my heart ablaze. I want the feeling to sink in that my future is coming, and that it's coming fast. I know it, but I don't feel it.

Right now I feel stuck. The perpetual gum stuck to my shoes seem to keep me where I can't touch the dream of college, or life outside of high school.

I've gotten some epiphanic moments though, like so much of my time in Princeton. I had tons of moments there where I felt like I was moving somewhere. But where has that feeling gone? Why is it that it leaves me when it really truly counts the most? I need something in me to turn on. I want to feel more excited about all of this. I want more blogable moments.

Go Phillies,
AJKazlouski

Questionable Content

How should I start this blog...?

How did I do on that SAT?
Will I have my lines memorized by Wednesday?
Why are all the new female cast members on SNL so foxy?
Am I gonna get that Boettcher scholarship?
Are the older N*E*R*D albums as good as Seeing Sounds?
Why did I wait so long to watch The Crow?
What did I get on Facebook to do?
Which sessions am I going to during Journalism Day?
"Where is My Mind?"
Am I ready for college?
Am I gonna be able to see They Might Be Giants?
How do I do this resume?
What's John C. Reilly doing in that vampire movie?
"Where the Hell is Bill?"
When does Motion City Soundtrack's new album come out?
And what's the countdown mean?
What's my grade in AP Government?
Why haven't I gotten the new AFI album yet?
The Phillies are gonna win the World Series, right?
Did I get enough pictures for my story?
Did Allan and Jason read the last blog I posted?
Should we REALLY be celebrating Columbus Day?

...

What was that last question I was going to write?

Meh,
AJKazlouski