A Static Senior

One of the most romanticized things in the world is the epiphany. The sudden fantastic realization that brings clarity or excitement is often framed as a turning point in one's life. Since I was a freshman, I dreamed of an amazing epiphany come my Senior year. Abruptly, a switch would turn in my head telling me I'm standing at the gateway to a new world, a new life, college. All I have to do is push the door open.

Now where the hell is that?

I've waited for it-on the first day, SAT and ACT testing, sending scholarship applications, ordering my cap and gown...but it's still not come to me.

I'm naturally motivated to work hard on things that will get me farther, but I want that spark of fire to set my mind and my heart ablaze. I want the feeling to sink in that my future is coming, and that it's coming fast. I know it, but I don't feel it.

Right now I feel stuck. The perpetual gum stuck to my shoes seem to keep me where I can't touch the dream of college, or life outside of high school.

I've gotten some epiphanic moments though, like so much of my time in Princeton. I had tons of moments there where I felt like I was moving somewhere. But where has that feeling gone? Why is it that it leaves me when it really truly counts the most? I need something in me to turn on. I want to feel more excited about all of this. I want more blogable moments.

Go Phillies,
AJKazlouski